I have honestly had to restart this blog so many times it is actually funny. You know those writers who surround themselves with dozens of screwed up pieces of paper whilst sporting a bemused look on their faces? That is me at this precise moment. Of course, the pieces of paper are metaphorical but you get the picture.
So, why the writer’s block when I am attempting to write about a country that I have fallen in love with? I guess I simply just don’t know where to start. But I’ll try.
New Zealand:
Did I ever think it would be so hard to leave? A loud, resounding ‘NO!’ Yet, it was like leaving home all over again and I must admit I was far from prepared. As my leaving date grew closer, seeing planes and even thinking about Fiji made me feel physically sick. When my gate number came up on the departure board, I swear my heart literally stopped. That day was pretty much spent in tears and by the time I reached the comforting arms of Amy in Nadi, I was emotionally wrecked and exhausted. Pathetic really. (I take this moment to throw an apology into the universe to anyone who was sitting at my departure gate, especially the poor Californian woman who made the mistake of asking me if I was ok. The deep breathe followed by loud, machine gun sobs was enough to make anyone run a mile. I forgive you.)
Now in Fiji, I am slightly less of an emotional retard. I have stopped bursting into tears at every available opportunity. I have even stopped mentioning New Zealand every 10 seconds (granted, it’s now 30 but you have to admit that is progress!). But still my heart aches for it. Having had a few days to sit and ponder, I have realised why leaving Kiwi Island was so different to leaving anywhere else. The reason I hear you ask? Before, when I left Africa and Australia, I was simply leaving countries. I was leaving more than that this time round. This time, I was leaving a life. I was saying goodbye to friends who spent an evening trying to steal my passport so I couldn’t leave. I was saying goodbye to a terrific work family who made me laugh every day. I was saying goodbye to surrogate parents, Rod and Rhonda, who took me into their home without a second thought. I was saying goodbye to Mike who became not only a companion but a best friend. Turns out, leaving a life behind is just as hard the second time round.
Falling in love with the country as much as I have done is something I never expected. If New Zealand were a guy, we’d be hot footing down the aisle right now with a baby on the way. There is something about New Zealand that renders me speechless….and we all know how hard that is to do! I won’t try to explain what that ‘something’ is as truthfully, I’m not entirely sure myself. However, a friend bestowed these words upon me as way of a possible explanation:
‘I believe every person has a country or a place in the world where their soul is at ease. Many people spend a lifetime looking for it, or even longer protecting it. You are lucky to have found it at such a young age.’
(The chronicles of Mr ‘Downtown’ Downey, 2008)
I guess that just says it all really.
